


In My Bones

by Kika988



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Canon Compliant, Emotional Baggage, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, get-together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-03-07 10:58:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18871828
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kika988/pseuds/Kika988
Summary: "You don't have to do this, you know," Axel says, hoping it sounds more casual than it feels.Roxas props himself up on his elbows, looking over at Axel."Do what?"Axel gestures at the bed. "You know. All of this." He sucks in a breath, looking away, across the room. The chair, a dusty floorboard, the chipped paint on the wall, anything but Roxas. "I fucked up a lot, before. I understand if you don't want to…"...be friends anymore.He can't make himself say it, but he figures Roxas probably understands. He was always good at that.Axel and Roxas have been through a lot, both together and separately. After the events of Kingdom Hearts 3, they need to talk about some of those things before they can figure out how to move on.





	In My Bones

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know what I'm doing here, but I was sad about the lack of canon-compliant Axel/Roxas fic, so I decided to be the change I wanted to see in the world. Also, yes, the title/reference in the fic is from [this song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHwxF48LxPU).
> 
> Thanks to Elliott for the beta!

It's weird -- Axel had never stopped to think about the _after_. 

There were a number of reasons why, of course. No time to stop and consider it, too much going on, an inability to focus on anything other than getting Roxas back. Darker possibilities, too, like never really expecting to survive through to the other side. A morbid thought, maybe, but he still thinks it was a reasonable one, considering what they were up against. 

Regardless, they'd somehow all survived, even if a couple of them are missing at the moment, and now they're left in the aftermath, watching both the literal and metaphorical dust settle as they all try to figure out what that means for them. 

The thing is, most everyone has homes to go back to, even if they've been away for years and years. There's still that pull for them to go back, to possibly try to rebuild something there, even if they end up not staying for long. 

As they're all regrouping and discussing where everyone's going to go, it occurs to Axel that he _could_ go back to Radiant Garden. It's where he grew up, after all, and he has some distantly fond memories there. The thought sends an inexplicable pang through him, though, one that coalesces into outright denial when his eyes land on the two beside him, both of whom look unsure when asked where they want to go. 

"Look, I know you're not Sora - either of you - but you're welcome on the island, if you want," Riku offers. "It might feel a little familiar, at least. There's plenty of empty houses; we can set you up somewhere until you figure out where you want to go." Axel is studiously avoiding their gazes, but they must shift or glance at him or _something_ , because a moment later Riku adds, "You too, Axel." 

They don't really discuss it any further, but somehow they end up here, in a small two-bedroom hut on the island. It's well-built, the boards so snug against each other that not even a hint of sea breeze sneaks in around them, keeping the ever-present sound of the ocean down to a distant roar. It's mid-morning here, but none of them have slept since the fight, and they're all dead on their feet. 

Xion steps into the hallway, poking her head into the two rooms there. 

"I'll take this one," she says, tilting her head to the one on the left. She gives Roxas a hard look, then adds, "You two get some sleep, okay?" 

Axel sees Roxas' head bobbing in a nod in his peripheral. "We will." She disappears into the room, and it's just the two of them, left standing awkwardly in the small living room. 

Axel briefly considers offering to take the couch, but then Roxas is taking his hand and tugging him toward the other bedroom, and it just feels too natural to fight it. 

The room has a window on the far wall, with sunlight streaming in across a desk and chair, bed, and bedside table. Without discussing it, Axel and Roxas both set about getting more comfortable, slipping off their Organization coats and pulling their gloves and boots off. Once they're both in boxers and tank tops, Roxas climbs into the bed, leaving Axel hesitating by the chair where he'd draped his clothes. 

"Axel," Roxas says, sighing. "Come on." 

That snaps Axel out of his head, and he closes the shutters on the window, dropping the room into shadow, before stepping over to the bed. He pauses there, looking down at the space Roxas has left for him. 

"You don't have to do this, you know," he says, hoping it sounds more casual than it feels. 

Roxas props himself up on his elbows, looking over at Axel. 

"Do what?" 

Axel gestures at the bed. "You know. All of this." He sucks in a breath, looking away, across the room. The chair, a dusty floorboard, the chipped paint on the wall, anything but Roxas. "I fucked up a lot, before. I understand if you don't want to…" _...be friends anymore._ He can't make himself say it, but he figures Roxas probably understands. He was always good at that. 

"Axel," Roxas says evenly. "I had to watch you die from inside Sora, and I couldn't do a damn thing about it. You faded away right in front of me and I couldn't so much as _say_ anything." His tone never wavers, something Axel remembers from when Roxas was trying very hard to control himself. "And now I'm back, and you're back, and I never thought I'd see you again like this, so _get in the fucking bed_ , okay?" 

That's more than enough to convince Axel, who finds himself sliding under the covers before he's even consciously decided to do so. 

"Better," Roxas huffs, not even bothering to keep up an illusion of personal space as he drapes himself over Axel's side. "This okay?" 

"Yeah, of course," Axel answers automatically, curling his fingers up and over Roxas' hip. His skin is warm under the thin fabric of his tank top, and Axel feels like he's getting away with something by settling his hand there. He's never really been great at silence, though, so a minute later, he's asking, "...so you were able to see all that, even from inside Sora?" 

Roxas' sigh is warm against Axel's collarbone. "Yeah. It was… it sucked, to put it lightly," he says, his voice strained. "What the hell were you thinking?" 

"That protecting him was the only way you'd stand a chance of existing again," Axel answers without hesitation. "Me surviving didn't seem to have much point if you were gone forever, so." 

Roxas' arms tighten momentarily around Axel. "You said… the thing you said. Did you mean it?" 

"He made me feel like I had a heart," Axel says quietly. "I meant it, at the time." 

"At the time?" Roxas shifts against him. "Not anymore?" 

It takes Axel a moment to figure out how he wants to say what he needs to say, and in that time he can _feel_ the tension gathering in Roxas' frame. 

"It was as close as I could imagine having a heart could feel like at the time," he finally settles on. "But once I was recompleted, I was…" He huffs out a laugh. "I was in _no_ way prepared for what having a heart actually felt like," he admits. "So many emotions, it was overwhelming. Everything, even my memories of you, was different." His fingers tighten on Roxas' hip. 

"Different how?" Roxas asks, his voice oddly quiet. 

"I don't… it's…" Axel trails off with an annoyed noise. "Sharp. Everything's got sharper edges." 

"Is that a bad thing?" Roxas' fingers have strayed to Axel's arm and are drawing nonsense patterns there. Axel isn't even sure he realizes he's doing it; it feels almost like a nervous habit, one he's never let himself show before. 

"Not bad," he replies. "Or, well, not all bad." He swallows hard. "It was… not good, at first. Having to deal with my memories of you coming with a new wave of emotions _and_ mourning your loss all over again was…" 

Roxas makes a noise, something sympathetic in the back of his throat, and tilts his head forward, resting his forehead on Axel's shoulder. 

"I left by choice," Roxas says, and Axel knows he can't miss the way he stiffens at the reminder. "Sora needed me, needed… what I was," he says slowly. "I think I knew you'd miss me, on some level, but I never imagined-" 

"I needed you, too," Axel says. It's a simple admission, but more than he's allowed himself so far, even in his private thoughts. 

They're both silent for a long moment. Roxas reaches up, tracing fingertips lightly over where his tattoos had once been. 

"Why do you still go by Axel?" The question seems out of place, but Axel is tired and has already laid himself bare, so what's a little more? 

"I wasn't going to, at first," he admits. "I tried out Lea for a little while, but it didn't feel right. I'm not who I was when I was him. Nobody wanted to use it, anyway," he says with a small laugh. "Kairi was the only one who tried, but it didn't-" He stops, sucks in a breath. "It sounds dumb," he admits. 

"Tell me anyway," Roxas says, and Axel couldn't deny him that if he _wanted_ to. 

"Every time she called me Lea, I'd… I had this irrational fear that you wouldn't be able to find me, if you found a way back." Axel raises a shoulder in a shrug. "I know it doesn't make any sense. But you'd have been looking for Axel, not Lea. Same reason I kept wearing that stupid coat." 

"I'd have found you either way," Roxas asserts, that old stubbornness in his tone making Axel smile. He pushes himself up to look down at Axel. "I _did_ find you." 

"Pretty good timing, too," Axel agrees easily, staring up at Roxas. The moment feels big, heavy, important, like he should be nervous, but tilting his head into Roxas' fingers at his jaw comes as easily as breathing. 

"Who do you want to be now, then?" Roxas asks, eyes intent and so very, very blue. It's not something Axel's had much time to think about, but as it turns out, the answer is pretty easy. 

"I want to be Axel, but better," he says simply. "A better friend, a better person. Worthy." 

"Worthy of what?" Roxas asks, something like hope in his eyes. There are a few stray beams of sunlight streaming in through gaps in the shutters, backlighting Roxas in a way that makes him look like some sort of mischievous angel.

"You," Axel replies, too tired and worn thin to be anything but truthful. If he'd been awake enough to think of it as a gamble, it would have paid off; Roxas is on him almost before he's done speaking the word, kissing the trailing vowels off of his lips. 

Roxas approaches kissing the same way he approaches everything else -- with a single-minded focus and determination that makes everything else seem unimportant in comparison. Both of them are inexperienced, but as Roxas licks into Axel's mouth, he can't help but think that they're more than making up for it in enthusiasm. 

They're both too tired for it to evolve into anything other than a string of sleepy kisses and contented noises muffled against each others' lips. It's barely even enough to call making out, but it's _more_ than enough for Axel, more than he ever thought he could have. 

A few minutes later, they're curled up together, this time with Roxas' head resting on Axel's shoulder. He reaches up, tapping two fingers on Axel's chest over where his heart beats. 

"I know it's still new, but you think you have room for me in there?" 

Axel huffs out a laugh. "Rox, it was _built_ around you. You wormed your way inside me before I even had a heart. You're in my _bones_." 

Roxas seems to consider a moment, then nods, settling in more comfortably. "Good. From what I've seen, hearts around here have a habit of being tossed around, anyway. Bones sound a little more reliable." 

"That mean you plan on sticking with me?" Axel asks, aiming for casual and failing miserably. 

Roxas smiles, pressing a kiss to Axel's shoulder. "Ax, you couldn't get rid of me at this point if you _tried_."

**Author's Note:**

> Come find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/B1ackPa1adins), where I scream a lot about Kingdom Hearts, Voltron, FFXV, and a smattering of other things I have emotions about.


End file.
